she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
