before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
