ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
