she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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