he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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