i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
