What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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