i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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