Umm I'm too high to move.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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