he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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