I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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