Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
