It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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