PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
