i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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