Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
