Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
