u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
