my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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