Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Are we still banned from the library?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
