dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
