Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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