Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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