he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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