I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
