Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
