Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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