Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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