i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
