What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
operation have a gay friend backfired
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
