my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
