Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize