so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
