Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Still dying that you shit outside
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
