So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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