we have pet lesbian snakes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sext me about skeletons
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
