Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
