About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I cut my penus on the lid.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
