I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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