Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
