see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
