So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My dick has a subreddit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
