he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
