Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He kissed a someone with a penis
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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