Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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