there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
