So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
