Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
