I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've blown a few things in my day
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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