y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
