Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
