Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
