oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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