Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
