if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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