Duck Duck Cougar?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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