...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
