I heard we made out
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
